Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Now I ain’t one for sermonizing, but it has come to my attention that certain individuals on this blog have not been paying the due amount of respect to a certain twin brother of mine.
It pains me to see my dearly beloved twin maligned in such a way, for beneath the hard case facade, he is, in fact, a very sensitive and delicate soul indeed – who always gives his mother flowers; is kind to small animals and furry children; has a penchant for camomile tea and possesses a vastly underrated talent for Ikebanwa (which perhaps some of you may be familiar with as Japanese flower arranging).
Now don’t get me wrong: I ain’t sayin’ knucklesmasher’s an angel. After all, we both belong to the notorious Nu Atheist Internetz crime family so if I said that he’d probably smash my face in anyways – ‘cos we don’t believe in no angels. And yes, the rumours are true: he did nail some geezer’s head to a crucifix at an interfaith conference that one time – everyone knows that as it was in News of the World. And don’t you go telling me you’ve never felt peckish and not been tempted to borrow some of them communication wafers and a bottle of bubbly every now and again – even if you had to break an arm and a leg to do it.
BUT HE AIN’T BURNT NO BLEEDIN’ HERETIC!
And we at NuAtheist Incorporated intend to keep it that way. As that would be tasteless.
So don’t be naughty. Erm…princess.
Take care up the apples an’ ’round the pears me old china…
(To whom it may concern)
Here endeth the second lesson.