United States military intelligence last night confirmed that although they were only 99.9 per cent certain that ‘the aggressive bloke with the beard’ that they killed the other day was Al Qaeda leader, Osama bin Laden, they are now 100 per cent sure that it wasn’t PZ Myers.
Swiftly in the aftermath of initial widespread jubilation by republican Americans across the length and breadth of the USA, Myers – the professor and notorious septic – issued a post on his blog making it clear that he was still very much alive following Sunday’s elite USA green mutant ninja turtles combined special operations covert daring raid (SPAM for short) and then went on to denounce “the unbelievers, infidels, homeopaths, Catholics, Protestants, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Jedis, witches, warlocks, ghosts, extra-terrestrials, f—ing dicks and anyone else who didn’t happen to agree with him; together with the duplicitous conspiratorial machinations of the evil one – Becky Transsexual blue screen of cyberdeath be upon her dawkins willing.”
Last night, an un-named security source warned of the inevitability of further rants by Myers and other aggressive blokes with facial hair for the forseeable future and warned law abiding, netsurfing citizens across cyberland to be on their guard against the threat of septic posts by tossers.
The warning comes in the wake of a vengeful suicide comment by His Holiness Ayatollah Fortinbras bin Armstrong in which a platoon of anti-septic cyberwarriors were bored to death.
Meanwhile, the President of the United States of America has confirmed to the viewing public that “*no Americans were harmed in the making of this motion picture.”